As many of you know, Pittgirl quit posting her amazingly popular blog, The Burgh Blog. Why? Because she found out that if someone searched hard enough that they could piece together enough clues and find out who she was - which could then endanger her job, and likely force her to water down her articles into the low-end pablum you see in print media today. (Oh my god you can really save money with coupons? Do we need to see that fucking story again???)
Then I thought to myself, "She quit so what do we have to lose?" In thinking further I also remembered that she never bought me a single beer, so fuck it. Since I like a good puzzle I thought I would put on my Sherlock Cap and sleuth out the info before City Paper decided to turn it into another shitty cover story with a lame pun inspired headline. "Cyberspaced! We ID The Anonymous Blogger"
I knew the first thing that I had to do was to go through her entire archive of posts and to pick apart every detail on her personal life that I could find. Unfortunately, she took down every post on the site... so I have to go with what the genius "legit" press is saying about her. Reading every article that I could find, I managed to dig up some key facts. 1 - Pittgirl is a she. 2 - Pittgirl hates pidgeons. 3 - Pittgirl loves Pittsburgh. 4 - Pittgirl wrote blogs about stuff and then quit. 5 - Pittgirl had a more fans than Bubba's Shitty Morning Show on B94 (tm). Really, who the fuck listens to that moron?
Ok - Let's stick with facts 1. Pittgirl is a female. Being female I can deduce that her name is unlikely to be Bruce, Timmy or Arthur. Applying some higher thinking than most men, and applying Occam's Razor, I have come to the conclusion that her first name is Rachel. Why Rachel you may ask? Because Friend's was a really popular show and most chicks I know want to be, if they had a choice of the 3 females on that show, Rachel.
Now I need to worry about the last name... Pittgirl lives in Pittsburgh. That rules out nice sounding last names like McDermot, Jeremy and Obama. No, if she's a true Pittsburgher her last name has to be something fucked up like Wizenjowski. In fact, after a solid 5 minutes of medatation and consulting my Magic 8 Ball - I'm positive her last name really is Wizenjowski.
Rachel Ray Wizenjowski.
I don't need any more of the facts now do I?
What I do need, however, is a picture!
Thank you google image search. One quick search, letting google correct my spelling, and scolling down 1/2 a page, I found the face of Pittgirl!!!
Not the pretties girl, I admit, but what did you expect of a nerd girl yinzer? Cummon, look at that face! Can't you see it grinning evilly as it directs a foot towards a pidgeon? I can. It's pretty fucking scary actually.
Ok, seriously, I mostly wrote this blog to fuck with the idiots out there who are actually going to search for info that they now lknow is out there. With any luck I just entertained a few friends and fucked with a bunch of retards that needed fucking with. You shitmules should be ashamed of yourselves.