Actual Letter to Fuddruckers

Dear Fuddruckers Management and Chef Staff,

I was at your store yesterday and noticed that you talk a lot about the quality of your hamburger meat. I saw mention of fresh ground and fresh patties made every day, and even a little table talker about how you only use hand-picked cows from select farms.

The impression you give is that you really care about the beef, and that it is top notch.

So why the fuck do you insist on using low grade, paper-thin, pre-cooked ass bacon? Seriously. I know it saves you money, but nobody in your entire organization can take a bite of that hideous garbage and say, "Mmmmm, this is really good bacon."

Sure you save money because you don't have to cook it. No cleanup either, and hey, you don't have to worry about employees grazing these paper thin pre-processed turds that you put on top of select burgers.

Please pass this note on to the executive level tie-wearing retards who spend all day thinking about golf and spent 2 seconds approving this bacon. The following portion of this email is for them.

Ok Assclowns, imagine you are at a car lot buying a new BMW to show off in. It has been lovingly designed and crafted to be the best handling, best looking and best performing car on the lot. You like the car with the sport package don't you? Yeah you do. You'll never drive faster than 60, but fuck it, you want to pretend that some day you might.

You sign on the dotted line and they bring you your car, and then and only then do you notice that instead of modern cushions, that they have filled the all-leather seats with human feces.

THAT IS WHAT YOUR BACON TOPPED BURGERS ARE - HIGH QUALITY RUINED BY SHIT.

Seriously guys, Wendy's has better bacon than you do. Don't you feel even a little bad about that?

50 Cent Cigarettes????

I signed up for NewspaperArchive.org just now, and this is the second article I found in my old local newspaper... (1970)

The cost of smoking is already up

You've heard the story.

It's the one about the guy who made a New Year's
resolution to quit buying cigarettes. He didn't give
up smoking, just paying for the cigarettes
That idea may become a reality for cigarette
smokers in the mid-Mon Valley area when the price
of cigarettes officially goes up at one minute after
midnight tonight.

Legislation boosting the state levy from 13 cents
per pack to 18 cents — highest in the nation — was
sent to Gov. Raymond Shafer last week when the
Senate gave final legislative approval by a 41-1 vote.
'Making the change'

Because the measure calls for it to become effective
immediately upon Shafer's signature, the governor
will not sign it until midnight — to give wholesalers
and dealers time to make necessary adjustments.
"We've been making the change on our machines,"
said Bill Sapone of Monessen, a cigarette
machine distributor. "The process isn't difficult with
our newer machines, but it can be quite a job with
the older ones."

The newer machines, which can be adjusted for
the new 50 cents per pack...