Sunday, February 14, 2010

Actual Letter to Fuddruckers

Dear Fuddruckers Management and Chef Staff,

I was at your store yesterday and noticed that you talk a lot about the quality of your hamburger meat. I saw mention of fresh ground and fresh patties made every day, and even a little table talker about how you only use hand-picked cows from select farms.

The impression you give is that you really care about the beef, and that it is top notch.

So why the fuck do you insist on using low grade, paper-thin, pre-cooked ass bacon? Seriously. I know it saves you money, but nobody in your entire organization can take a bite of that hideous garbage and say, "Mmmmm, this is really good bacon."

Sure you save money because you don't have to cook it. No cleanup either, and hey, you don't have to worry about employees grazing these paper thin pre-processed turds that you put on top of select burgers.

Please pass this note on to the executive level tie-wearing retards who spend all day thinking about golf and spent 2 seconds approving this bacon. The following portion of this email is for them.

Ok Assclowns, imagine you are at a car lot buying a new BMW to show off in. It has been lovingly designed and crafted to be the best handling, best looking and best performing car on the lot. You like the car with the sport package don't you? Yeah you do. You'll never drive faster than 60, but fuck it, you want to pretend that some day you might.

You sign on the dotted line and they bring you your car, and then and only then do you notice that instead of modern cushions, that they have filled the all-leather seats with human feces.


Seriously guys, Wendy's has better bacon than you do. Don't you feel even a little bad about that?


  1. FUKEN AYE DUDE i worked there man the management at these places is fucking terrible especially the fuddruckers in Johnson city you would not believe the dumb shits that work run that resturant and by the way high quality beef is such a lie it comes in a tube.


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