Friday, October 24, 2008
Are You Hot?
I found this ad on Myspace today...
I am not hot. In fact I think guys who say that they are hot are actually using some sort of gay code for closeted individuals to secretly identify themselves to other potential homosexuals. [[standard 'not that there is anything wrong with that' disclaimer]]
But here is the thing. Suppose I was a fairly good looking single male interested in meeting real people. I've met some fake people and I have to tell you that, unlike fake boobs, the novelty of hanging out with fake people wears thin after a few weeks. You're like, "Hey, pass me the sports section" and they are like, well, they are like - not there. They aren't real. If you ask them to pitch in on a keg of beer, you get zero dollars. Fake people suck.
Right there - the ad has me. I prefer real people.
But there is more, I can also meet people near me. That's just awesome because people who aren't near me are harder to meet. I mean yeah I could possibly make semi-regular trips Toronto to hang out with my new real person but I would be far less likely to go to Lichtenstein every weekend.
So hey this site seems pretty cool. Meeting real-unfake people that are near-not far away.
And yet, even pretending I'm single I don't want to click on the ad.
What could it be? What is stopping me from clickely clicking that innocent, simply worded, advertisement that promises so very much?
Oh there it is - THAT CHICK IS FUCKING ULGY.
"Hi my name is Tammy, and I prefer white trailer homes to brown trailer homes. I wear hoop earings so I have a place to rest my feet shild servicing the local pool hall player who can afford to buy me the most drinks. Budweiser only. I play pool too and can shoot an entire game without every taking the cigarette out of my mouth. I like walks on the beach and mowing the lawn in a tube top. I was once told I was hot by a guy with a camera and he convinced me to model. I think I should have shaved my puss-puss a little more carefully that day but I like the pictures anyway. Too bad the bruises on my legs and back show up in all of them. I like that Earl show because it's sooo true!"
Is that really the kind of girl you want to represent your dating site? Maybe. I suppose. Maybe the typical myspacian is into crabs, warts and herpes. I don't know. What I do know is that if I ever find myself single and looking for a real nearby friend, I'm not clicking on any ads that look like that.
(P.S. Bravo to the guy who made the ad. He must have spent minutes with MS Paint to do something of that quality!)